Glistening ---
Ripples in a pond.
August moon.
matataku ya
sazanami ni ike
aki no tsuki.
I am rather proud of this haiku. I wrote and translated it in the early evening of 9 June 2010. I was home and had just fallen asleep on my sofa while reading. I had (and still have) a very nasty cold so sleep was most welcome.
Time passed. I began to awaken from a dream-like state. I was not yet fully conscious when this simple, beautiful, and very serene image came to mind. Not wanting to lose sight of the image, I believed I must remain asleep to prolong my enjoyment of it. How could such an image be rendered into words?
The words of the haiku began repeating themselves over and over again in my mind; I smiled.
There was a notebook and pencil on top of the coffee table beside my sofa. I reached over, grabbed the pencil, and hazily jotted down the poem. Had I not done this I assure you the poem and image would otherwise be forgotten as are most dreams.
Afterwards, I translated the poem into Hiragana and, to my good fortune, it took on the 5-7-5 syllable pattern of haiku. Now I just need to have the hiragana vetted :-).
Glistening ---
Ripples in a pond.
August moon.
matataku ya
sazanami ni ike
aki no tsuki.
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Hi Paul,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by. I've been taking an extended break from anything Internet related. That post on Haiku is an old one. When I looked for advice on improving it, I got a taste of the politics and rivalry of haiku aesthetics. I love haiku and, in another life, would study Japanese.
Your comments went a step further than my own observations, and gratefully so. So many readers have been critical of this or that aspect. When I ask them whether they speak or read Japanese, none of them do. It's hard for me to take seriously the claim that anyone can be an expert on haiku without a knowledge of the language. So my I respectfully bow to you. :-)
Your haiku are beautiful. I can't speak from the perspective of the Japanese poets, but from what I've seen of translations, you grasp the fundamental nature of the form and to a degree that is surprisingly rare on the web.
I'm going to bookmark your site and, once again, am encouraged to write more haiku.
Let's stay in touch.
:-)
Patrick (Over at PoemShape)
Thanks for the comment Patrick; I will stay in touch - my interests in Japanese culture are pretty avid and I enjoy sharing my thoughts and commentary.
ReplyDeletePaul